Thiefstuck
by AllKnowingNiko
Summary: Alternearth is in tatters. The rink war between Spider Fleet and The Family is devastating the population. One little boy gets caught in the middle of it all, what could he possibly do to escape? Follow him - and the rest of the gang - in this AU riddled with fear, doubt, politically underhanded deeds, and thieves.


**A/N: All right! Taking a break from my lemons, yes, and writing this. Enjoy!**

The night drew its cloak of blackness around its shoulders and blew its chilly breath over the bustling city, quiet chirps from sleepy birds winging their way home echoed in a narrow alley, wet plinks of water from an earlier shower staining the brick street maroon. Three shadowy forms bumbled down the dark alleyway, hissing words in between shoves and the muffled booms of now-flat cardboard boxes.

"Shut up assholes, we need to focus!"

"You're one to talk about focus, Present!"

"Both of you are wretched wrigglers who are just _flying _down the metaphorical fucking road to Troll Hell, now shut your yap holes before I shut them for you!"

"Boys," a soft voice, long having learned to deal with the others' constant squabbling, interrupted the bickering smoothly. The argument ceased abruptly. "Thank you."

The owner of the voice turned back to her work, the small penlight clenched between her teeth illuminating a silver lock, at which she was busy clicking away at with small metal blades attached to her 'work gloves'. After a moment, her dark hair slid into her face as she stepped back, the door swinging open silently on pre-oiled hinges. The small smile tugging at her lips revealed just a hint of two sharp fangs amid more pointed teeth, the penlight glinting off them. With a snick, the blades retracted into their slots, and she stepped inside the dark hallway cautiously, a pair of listening devices amplifying her already precocious hearing. She motioned for the suddenly stealth-mode males to follow her, deep into the blackness.

* * *

"Hold still, child," an exasperated sigh politely let itself out of Kanaya. The jade caretaker smiled tiredly at the squirming boy in front of her, struggling with a lanky shoelace. She glanced at the ticking clock high on the decorated wall and sighed again. They were late.

"Nahya, I can do it myself!" the boy yanked his feet away from Kanaya's helping hands and proceeded to tie himself a huge knot. He looked at it for a moment, his eyes watering, before he held it back out to her. "Never mind," he grumbled.

"It's alright, dear. There will be a time for you to do things on your own," Kanaya untied the tangle and deftly did an elegant bow. "But not yet." Just before the boy could open his mouth for one of his famous retorts, the door to the room slammed open, a tiny chip of wood narrowly missing Kanaya's eye.

"Miss Maryam, what is taking so long?" a low voice asked breathily. Kanaya sighed and stood, patting the child on the head before replying to the intruder.

"Mister Zahhak," she acknowledged. "I was simply helping Master Suffy with his shoes." Suffy, the child in question, held his feet up proudly. Equius's mouth hardened into a grim line, and he turned on his heel to storm out. Kanaya sighed for the fourth time in the span of five minutes and held out a tired hand to Suffy, who reluctantly took it and followed his nanny out.

* * *

"Welcome, welcome!" Tavros waltzed through the murmuring crowd, spouting greetings and thank-you-for-comings at anyone who happened to meet his happy glance. He smiled widely at the banner above the refreshment table every time he glided by, the words it declared giving him a tingly feeling all over. He whisked around the floor and pounced on the next person he saw. "Isn't this just a lovely sight for a lovely cause? I'm so glad it all came together, aren't you?"

"Oh, yes," the girl replied, recovering her balance just in time to save her drink (and her escorts' brand new white shirt). "The Humane Society has really outdone themselves this time. What a splendid thing, to have gotten these fancy foreign dignitaries on their side, what with the political scandal this past week."

Tavros nodded his agreement, even though he hadn't the slightest idea what the girl was talking about. He didn't keep up with politics: just the animals involved. He smiled, made an excuse, and bounded away on a happy high. Tonight couldn't get much better! He glanced at the clock to see how many hours of happy he had left.

"Oh no! The display!" he was five minutes late to announcing it! He sprang into action, weaving his way through the throng until he reached an exclusive table of unreadable faces and expert political maneuvering. Showing the guards surrounding the table his Humane Society badge, he bustled in toward the most regal looking pair, a decorated man in bordering-on-gaudy purple and a beautifully robed woman in tasteful dark pinks.

"Your Majesties, the display is about to begin. If you would be so kind as to follow me to the hall?" he asked politely. The woman graced him with a guarded smile and stood, touching her companion (the purple one) on the arm, signaling for him to follow her. Tavros rubbed his hands together in nervous habit, the biggest moment of his entire life about to stun him into silence or make him the most eloquent he'd ever been. The pink woman patted his arm.

"Ikke bekymre deg. Do not worry!" she flashed a brilliant smile, full of pointed teeth, at Tavros. Safe to say, he wasn't all that reassured, but it did the trick. He smiled back, his tense shoulders relaxing a bit, and the woman went back to murmuring to her friend. Stepping out onto a balcony above the display hall, Tavros coughed into a microphone to get all the attendee's attentions.

"Welcome, all of you! Thank you so much for coming tonight, it's an honor to be here, to be presenting this wonderful and extravangant gift to you! All the way from Russia, Princess Peixes, in her ever-awe-inspiring generosity, has brought us five sculptures of her favorite animals – in solid gold! She has bequeathed us all rights to them, and to do what we wish. We have her to thank for this gathering tonight!" a round of applause echoed in the high-ceilinged room. "Now, please enjoy!"

Tavros waved his hand for the sculptures to be revealed and reveled in the gasps they earned. The gold glinted in the warm lights, and even he was surprised by the jewels encrusting the largest – an elephant with a full-scale saddle, complete with rich silk canopy and plush pillows, fit for any king or queen.

Tonight truly was a great step in his life.

* * *

"But, Nahya, I don't want to go to this stupid party!" the whine was front and center in Suffy's voice. Tired as Kanaya was, she still had enough patience to try to reason with the six-year-old.

"It's for a good cause, silly Suffy," she said, squeezing his little hand. "It's to save poor animals that are getting hurt." Suffy thought about this for a moment.

"Will they have any animals they've rescued there for me to play with?" he asked, his eyes wide as he imagined all the exotic friends he might make that night. Kanaya smiled tenderly.

"They might, dear. I don't know. A little bird told me, however, that there's going to be ice cream." Suffy's face lit up and he did a little unconscious skip. Ice cream was his favorite. Suddenly, he was much more excited to get to the stupid party than before.

"Nahya, I'm allowed to have lots of ice cream, right?" he looked up at her imploringly, his free hand balled up into a hopeful fist. Kanaya smiled again and nodded, chuckling at his over-exaggerated fist pump. "Ice cream, ice cream!"

Two large doors, covered in pretty decorations, opened wide for them to pass into a well-dressed, well-respected crowd. These were the important people, Suffy remembered, and Nahya had told him to be on his best behavior. His imagination ran rampant with him, thinking a whole jungle to be behind those doors, and was severely disappointed when all there was was the political jungle. Nahya led him over to a table, sat him in a chair, and went away.

"Nahya, where are you going?" he called out, worried about being alone in such an unfamiliar space with such unfamiliar people. He almost got up, on the edge of his seat in impatience. "Nahya!"

"I'm back, Suffy. Calm down, I just went to get your ice cream!" Kanaya chuckled and put down a huge sundae, slathered in chocolate sauce and swimming in whipped cream (no, not the other way around) along with a spoon. Suffy gasped in delight and dived in (headfirst). Maybe this party wasn't SO bad, even though lots of adults had pinched his cheeks uncomfortably hard. That was just kind of endearing to adult-kind, though, that they had no idea about social etiquette.

"Nahya, you're the best," he mumbled through his dessert-as-dinner. Nahya was the exception. She was the only adult Suffy didn't mind. I mean, she brought him ice cream. Come on. Kanaya picked up her own spoon to delicately bite into a slice of cheesecake.

"Suffy, I want-"

"Suffy, hva gjør du her? Gå tilbake til rommet ditt!" a richly robed woman came storming up to their table. Suffy shrunk back into his chair, intimidated by the royal approaching him rapidly, dragging thunderclouds and lightning behind her. "What is he doing in this place? What is you explain, care lady?"

"You requested him here, Your Majesty," Kanaya the 'care lady' said. She never did like dealing with the Princess, even if she was Suffy's mother. "He is here to meet the guests, like you said."

"Eh, eh, stop you explaining," she waved her regal hand at Kanaya. "I need not the details of tiny life. Just take him back to room. Jeg forventer at du skal oppføre seg der også, latterlig ung en. Og se din hemmelige-si munn for slip, eller hodet, skal det være min. God natt!" with her last bout of Norwegian at Suffy, she spun around, her fur-lined cape splaying out in an expensive circle, and walked away, her head held high. Suffy seemed cowed, hiding almost completely behind his chair.

"Nahya, we're going back up, right?" Suffy shook in fear. Kanaya took his hand, her eyebrows furrowed and her shoulders tense, and led him out of the gilded hallway.

"Right, come along."

"Oh, wait… my ice cream…"

* * *

The girl held up a delicate hand for her companions to halt. She listened hard to the wafting laughter through a vent in the air ducts. These ducts were huge, so the noise could have come from another twenty feet away with the echoes accounted for, but she was positive this was it. Smirking to herself, she mentally patted herself on the back and awarded herself a few medals. Having orchestrated this (indirectly, but still) she counted this as about five hundred points. She was finally ahead in the game.

"Up." She whispered. The balcony was right above them. She just had to jump the royalty lounging there and her life was made. Her mouth began to water just thinking of all the jewelry on those motherfu-

"Clawdia, are you sure?" she whipped around.

"Yes, I'm sure, now get up there, Future!"The boy leaned back, out of the range of her flexing claw-gloves. He shivered once and sprang up after the other two, already at the next level of ducts. The dull thud of his feet against metal combined with a resulting downward spike in conversation gave Clawdia an exact gauge of what noise level was appropriate for this mission. She cracked her neck and began to unscrew the vent in front of her. She was the floor manager, crowd control. Or, crowd panic might be a more accurate term. This was a publicity mission, of course, so the more chaos the better. She fixed her olive green mask on, her vivid yellow cat's eyes the only feature showing, and prepared to spring on the nearest rich-looking fellow grasping a crystal glass with his ring-covered fingers.

"Hey, Clawdia, we're ready." Present's voice floated down softly to her ears, and her smirk widened.

"Okay. Present, you take the lion. Future, secure the perimeter for the dolphin. Past, you'll get the monkey, yes? And I'll be taking down that zebra. Then we all go for the elephant." Three grunts of confirmation and Clawdia was pulling at the vent. "See you on the other side."

She swung out, feet first, and leaped up onto the shoulders of the man she had targeted not a minute before, causing general shock. She slipped her claws out of their slots and locked them into battle mode, sticking them in the guy's arm and taking his rings, popping them into her loot pouch on her hip. She silenced a woman about to scream with a quick slash to the throat, stealing all her bracelets and even her ruby necklace. Panic began to spread as a gush of navy blood colored the wall behind Clawdia, a trail of injured people appearing wherever she pounced. Past, Present, and Future were doing the same around their respective targets, important people scurrying around like chickens with their heads cut off. As soon as Clawdia had reached her sculpture, she set off a noise-grenade, the high-pitched squeal sending more people to the floor, clutching their ears.

"Present secured," the crackly voice said through on her earplugs. She smirked and waited until two more confirmations came through as well before sending hers.

"Clawdia secured. Now for the elephant, then we get our forces." She dashed over to the sculpture in the center of the room and bounded up to the top of the saddle. The triplet boys were right behind her, sending sharp boomerangs flying through the people and using sickles to keep guards at bay. "Okay. Call the Fleet."

"Already on our way." A new voice crackled on her headphones. "That was fast. Good job."

"Of course it's a good job. What else is there to do on a Tuesday?" she immediately said, used to lightning fast word battles with Spider Queen. But no such battle this time, however. This was a mission, not playtime.

"Don't patronize me, Claws. You know I don't deal well with that, and this is a mission. Now move two steps to the left and duck." Clawdia complied, and three more thieves dropped from an opening in the tiled ceiling on wires. They grabbed points on the sculpture and were hauled back up, the gold and jewels heavy, but lifting clean off the pedestal and into the unnecessarily huge ducts easily. Four more openings later, and all the statues had disappeared from right under the government's noses.

Five hundred points to the Spider Fleet.


End file.
